and its these things that you will forget first. you dont realize how special they are until they are gone. today i was panicking because i couldnt remember my daddy’s voice, no matter how hard i tried. i searched everywhere until i found the video camera we took to the dominican on our last vacation together and watched those videos for twenty minutes. my favorite one was my dad being completely himself. him and rod spence were sitting on the trolley on the way to our rooms and they were doing Borat accents pertending to make a movie. they interviewed the passengers who were sitting next to them. Then, he turned around and showed all us kids sitting in the booth behing him(me, justin, cameron, connor, brandon, riley, chantelle) and points to me and says ‘in my country you are considered beautiful’ he turned to the boys and said ‘you, not so much’. i dont think i laughed or cried that much in a while. That video went on for a while but that was my favorite part. It made me realize something all over again. When someones gone, their gone and nothing you say or do, or how much you plead with God will bring them back. If you were in a grumpy mood that day and instead of saying goodbye you told them they were a freeking jerk, you dont get a do-over, its done. Sure, you can say goodbye to them while they are in that hospital bed, or thats what everyone told me, but its not the same. You dont get to hear them say it back, or say i love you one more time. Your stuck resorting to old videos to hear their voices and pictures to remember their smile. You realize all the simple things you dont know about them. Their favorite color, favorite animal, what they used to do as kids. The things that didnt seem important is all that you have left to cling to. You learn to hate God and everyone else because it just isnt fair. Who did He think He was that He could just take my daddy away? but you cant hate for long because your faith in God is the only thing that keeps you hoping of seeing your loved ones again. Now i try to say ‘Goodbye, I love you’ everytime i leave the house because you never know when the last time you get to say that might be.
I love you daddy
-XOXOXO-
